i heart chuck norris

Chuck Norris does not know about these jokes on my blog. If he did, he would have just deleted the internet. Enjoy…. just don’t tell Chuck Norris.

- When taking the GMAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 800.

- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

- It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true…. if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.

- When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to one….. one roundhouse kick to the face.

- Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

- Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.

- There's no such thing as the theory of evolution; there is just a list of species Chuck Norris allows to live.

- If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

- When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds", he was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.

- That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.

- Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

- Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. It’s just that Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.

- When chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders. Ever.

- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.

-There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Hahaa, just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

- Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.

- The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close

- Lightning never strikes twice in one place because Chuck Norris is looking for it.

- Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris can split the atom. With his bare hands.

-Chuck Norris's body temperature is 98.6 degrees... Celsius.

- Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.