I Want to Marry Ocho Cinco

I remember the last time the Bengals had a really good season. It was 1988, I was 7 years old, and we went to the Superbowl. At bedtime, in my Bengals pajamas, I would do the Icky Shuffle, and dream of Boomer. Of course, these dreams were shattered by Jerry Rice and the 49ers, and then the Bengals awesomeness took a 20 year hiatus.

But now we’re back. We’re awesome again. We’re leading the AFC North. We have a 7-2 season (which should be 8-1, but the Broncos got lucky, not that I am bitter). It’s officially the renaissance of the Bengals.

And who do we thank for this amazing season? Well, we all know we should thank the lovely Carson Palmer, the upstanding young gentleman from USC who has led the Bengals offense this season. But while we know we should adore the charming young man with the nice smile, he’s just a little too plain for us die-hard Bengals fans.

We crave the 8-5. We love the Ocho Cinco. The former Chad Johnson, who legally changed his name to his jersey number. The man described as the Dennis Rodman of Football, the Bengals Shock Jock. The man who literally does the Riverdance when he gets a touchdown. The man who’s overwhelming ego prompted him to purchase over 1200 tickets at Paul Brown stadium to prevent a blackout in Cinci and ensure his megawatt smile was plastered all over the TV. We can't get enough Ocho Cinco.

Bengals fans have had it tough. For as long as we can remember, the players just up the road in Indy were spending quiet evenings supporting local charities and playing Dungy's “Christian football” all the way to the Superbowl. Meanwhile, the abysmal Bengals were all out stabbing each other, smoking crack, and generally running amuck. But instead of turning our backs on the naughty Bengals, us 'Nati inhabitants simply learned to crave the bad behavior. That’s why we love the Ocho.

It’s not that I don’t love Carson…. But he just doesn’t have Ocho’s spunk. I haven’t had a chance to read Chad’s new book (click here) because sadly, it has not yet been translated to Italian, but it’s absolutely on my Xmas wish list. I can’t wait to read more about Ocho’s acting abilities, which he learned from watching Denzel Washington: "I should be in a Broadway show. I'm that good." Or hearing about how ceased attending classes at Oregon State after one week because "I didn't want people to know how smart I was." And I can't wait to learn more about 85's softer side, which manifested itself when Chad was able to attend one of the births of his four children (the other three, sadly, we during the season, so obviously his personal attendance at the other births wasn't possible). The moment affected him deeply, and he pondered, "I'm holding a little me. Just having little me's around is cool. No lie."

As Mr. Ochocinco laments in his new novel, "I love me some me". And although we know we shouldn’t, us Bengals fans love us some 8-5, too.